This blog is Part 2 and a continuation of why it is necessary to cut ties from toxic friendships. Part 1 described the event that brought everything up to the surface and the backstory as to why this has been building up for years. You can listen to the whole story right now in Episode 46 of the podcast linked above. Sound good? Great, let’s do this!
How to cut ties
I do not suggest that you cut ties with a toxic friendship in the way that I did. It wasn’t mature of me to use an excuse to walk away and sort of ghost instead of having an actual conversation. It also wasn’t mature of me to then expect that she would understand or know about what I was going through and what brought me to my breaking point without having ever really talked to her about it beforehand. So don’t do what I did and learn from my mistakes.
First ask yourself if it’s a toxic friendship or a toxic person, as there is a difference. A toxic person will be toxic regardless of the situation. But a toxic friendship is usually developed over time between two people that aren’t necessarily toxic themselves or even toxic for each other. When two people are friends, there is some sort of dynamic between them, and that dynamic can be very temperamental. If it is shifted in a way that one person has more power or more control, then that can obviously become toxic. But if the dynamic is shifted to where one person cares about the friendship more than the other does, it can be less obviously toxic. Once you properly assess the situation and can determine that it is the friendship, not the friend, that is toxic, then you have 2 options.
Be a chicken like me and find an excuse to split. I do not suggest this option, as it leaves both parties with a lot of unanswered questions and lingering feelings that bubble to the surface only to cause problems such as the altercation that I told you about at the beginning of this episode.
Sit down and have a conversation with them, after which you can make a clearer decision about whether to cut ties or not. During this conversation, air everything out – bring a list or notes if you have to, just air EVERYTHING out. Don’t spring it on them, so they can prepare beforehand as well. Try your best not to fight and don’t be afraid to cry. This is what I wish I would have done. This is what I wish I would have had the guts to do because now I am left with so many unanswered questions and so much anger that I cannot get rid of unless I accept that I will never get my answers or be able to properly vent.
As for dealing with toxic people, that is simple. Cut them out. No excuses, no conversation beforehand, just BUH-BYE. But we will of course cover that topic soon!